Today I drew…

Five of Pentacles

What I experienced today…

My son cried today. He said “Mon, I want you” I hardened my heart and said “I can’t come”. I live in a hostel in Delhi and work to send back money so that y mom and son can live comfortably. It kills me but that’s my destiny. Today as I stopped to buy a cup of yogurt I saw a beggar woman try to buy her little daughter something worth Rs 5. She beat her child when the girl asked for a packet of chips. She said, “why don’t you die?” I cried. The child was full of sores and boils and had tears in her eyes. I held her hand and bought her the potato chips she’d asked for. Here I was far away from my child, the only soul who loves me so. And here was a mother who wanted her child to die rather than suffer. I called the Goddess cruel, again.

What I read…

Another famous card. Two poor folk sit outside a church with five pentacles on its stained glass window. This is a card that predicts loss, financial loss, bad luck, a set-back in health. It is a difficult time, as all fives are. "How can I deal with this loss?" asks the Querent. And the answer is, "By realizing that it is no real loss at all." The Querent must understand that while they may have lost material things, the spiritual is still with them. Where there is life, there is hope. They should also be advised that this too will pass. Though it may seem like there is no end in sight, there is. We all go through lean and lonely times. Things will get better.

What the card showed me…

The pain of poverty; of the complete abstraction from values and emotions that prolonged suffering can bring about. A cripple and and old woman in tatters suffering/braving the snow on a cold winter night. Strangely, they look away from each other, instead of sticking together, comforting each other. The card talks of separation and anguish.

29th July 2009